How To Avoid During And After A Breakup
Every relationship has its ups and its downs. Sometimes, a relationship heads in the wrong direction, and you might desperately try to save it. You can try to stop an imminent breakup by getting ahead of the issue and trying to problem-solve with your partner. Then, take steps to improve the bond you have with one another. However, not all relationships are meant to last. Determine your reasons for staying and see if leaving is actually the right move for you.
Relationships form, relationships break. This is the rule of relationships. But, there are a few things that you need to keep in mind while breaking up. Doing so in a hurry, or not thinking it through is going to put you in a whole world of trouble. So, simply think about it before you take a step. You will see for yourself- whether you took a good decision or not.
Don’t Decide Too Fast
We know, you are hurting. We know, that you simply want to let go. But, for once, just for once, hold on. Think about the consequences of your actions. Think for a very simple second, what would happen if 8 months down the line you see them with some other person. Would it hurt you? Would you be okay with it? Or would you cry silent tears and pretend everything is fine?
No Texts. No Public Scene!
Never ever break up over a text. For that is the worst you could ever do. Meet them, and explain why you are breaking up. Get and give closure. But also make sure, to never do it in a public setting. You don’t want to make a scene.
Never break up because you are angry. There has to be a lot of other reasons for you to break up. For if you are just angry and then break up, then you will eventually calm down. Can you deal with the regrets then? So, always break up with a cool frame of mind.
Being A Friend
Don’t try to be friends with your ex after breaking up. There are a lot of feelings left, and you might soon find yourself getting dragged into the mess back again.
Don’t even think about getting back the moment you break up. Yes, there are a lot of feelings, but you have to control yourself. Remember why you broke up, remember what had happened, and for once, think of all the bad things you had to go through. They will help you overcome this.
No calls, no texts, no Instagram checkouts. Maintain a total internet blackout when it comes to them. Don’t check their posts, for that would only make you feel bad about your own life. Just let it be.
Dating Someone Next Immediately
Wait. Just wait. Don’t jump on the next passing boat. Explore your options, decide if this is what you want. For, right now, you would be seeking for some love from any place you can find. But, you need to know, while you shower the other person with love, maybe it isn’t love, but residual feelings. Just be calm and fall in love with yourself, if you can.
Never stop taking care of yourself. Never let yourself go. Don’t drink too much or work on yourself. Go visit different places, get experienced, learn a new craft, work somewhere, read a book. Immerse yourself in things, and you would see your life turning better.
Request a little time
To prevent your breakup, get ahead of the problem. Pull your partner aside to talk. Let them know your suspicions about the impending breakup and ask for some time to mend things. Agree on a time-frame.
- You might say something like, “I get the sense you’re preparing to break up with me. Can you please give us some time to try and make things right? Can we give it one more month?”
- You can also use this extra time to do a little soul-searching and decide whether it’s really a good idea for the relationship to continue.
Get some space
After you agree on a time-frame to work on your problems, take a few days for yourself. Spend some time thinking about the issues in your relationship and how you want to proceed.
- It may also be nice to get an opinion from a close friend or family member about how to move forward.
Hash out your grievances
Once you and your partner have had time to yourselves, meet back up to exercise your conflict resolution skills. Take a look at which parts of the relationship aren’t working and work together to find solutions.
- This step might go easier if both partners make a list of your major grievances with the relationship. Do so by clearly defining the problem in detail. Then, separately, brainstorm some possible solutions to the issues on your list.
- Come back together and share your grievances. Then, offer suggestions for how you and your partner can overcome these obstacles.
- For example, your partner never calls when they’ll be out late, causing you to worry constantly. You might suggest that they set reminders in their phone that prompt them to check in if they’re out past a certain time.
Use “I” statements
A lot of conflict can be resolved by simply changing the way you speak to your partner. Using “you” statements feels accusatory and forces them to defend themselves. When you use “I” statements, you can express your feelings without making your partner defensive.
- An “I” statement might sound like this: “Todd, I’m worried about you when you’re out late. It would make me feel so much better if you called to check in.”
Find common ground
In most cases, you and your partner should be able to find a topic that you mutually agree on. Use that as a benchmark to resolve your conflict. Look for the common ground that allows both of you to have your needs met.
- What is it that you both want and how can you make changes to achieve that?
- Using the previous example, maybe your partner gets so caught up in spending time with their friends that they don’t think to step away and call you. Sending a quick text message to check-in might help resolve the problem on both sides.
Go to couples counseling
If the two of you lack the necessary communication and conflict resolution skills to manage your relationship problems, seeing a counselor might help. Talking your problems over with an experienced professional may help you learn more effective ways of dealing with them.
- In addition, going to a therapist may also help you see that some problems in your relationship are not solvable or that you and your partner are not compatible. This might be the confirmation you need to go ahead and break up.
If you think your partner is considering a breakup, you can take action to save your relationship. Begging, however, is not the answer. Begging will only wear away at your self-respect. Plus, if it’s all you do to make them stay, they will certainly see through the act and soon be ready to leave again.